Getting fired sucks, even if it is the best thing to happen to me.

Best evidence is that it has taken 8 weeks, and me getting a new job, before I can even write this post.  Yep, it sucks.  I think the hardest part was, and I know this sounds silly, that if made me feel like I did something wrong.  I find my mind wandering way too often to what I could have done differently.  Even though the reasons cited were completely false and there is absolutely nothing I would have done differently.  And even though I now feel better than I have in 7 years.  I should have left years ago.  It wasn’t a good fit and towards the end, I was monitoring my every word and second guessing my every action.  When a place makes you that paranoid, it’s time to go.  Unfortunately, I didn’t leave; I just buried my head a little further, swallowed more of my pride, and kept hitting the wall.  So when “they” finally did the deed and let me go, it was as if years of oppression had finally been lifted.  I actual smiled and laughed the whole drive home.  For the first time, in too long, I knew exactly what I wanted in a job, and more importantly, what I didn’t.  But, yeah, it still sucked.  Every now and then my mind would wander to the actual firing, and how shocked I was.   How sucky it was to be made to feel that way.  And I got angry at losing my paycheck.   It was almost like I had split personality.  Some days I was so excited about my future possibilities, I couldn’t sleep.  And other days I would randomly start crying.   I had trouble telling people, so I would just make up some other reason I was no longer working.  The first time I went to a networking event, I almost walked out rather than tell people I was looking for work.  Crazy thing is, there are a lot of people out of work.  And I have a lot of support.  Heck, even the government lost their job during the same time.  I kept saying it was the best thing to happen, and I KNEW that things could only get better.  And they have.  My new job is the job I have been dreaming about.  If I hadn’t been fired, I’d still be stuck feeling paranoid and depressed.  So even though getting fired sucked, it was one of the best things to happen to me.